Here'e the thing about San Francisco. It's really windy and I hate it.

Now, why is Chicago called the windy city? Granted, I've never visited this midwestern metropolis, but I am a faithful Real World viewer and those kids go outside with unbuttoned shirts. They walk around outside and their hair stays put! That does not happen here. I walk up Van Ness every morning and sure enough, I have hold my jacket or shirt down so it doesn't blow back. When I look out my living room window, all the trees are blow-blow-blowing. It's incessant. And it's slowly driving me mad.

Also, speaking of Van Ness, did you know that 50 percent of the city's enormous population of mentally ill homeless hang out in that general vicinity? Well, they do. Damn! San Francisco has a lot of crazy motherfuckers. It's scary and sad and, sometimes, to be honest, sort of funny, because, let's face it, crazy people are generally funny.

I will burn, I'm sure.