I work with a very gay, very accented Vietnamese-American dude who kills me and others with the (sometimes unplanned) hilarity of his comments. He's amazing. Today, while having a very college moment in the hospital cafeteria, he shared some of his heartbreaks with us.

Now, you have to imagine a fairy thick Vietnamese accent (one that sounds almost German at times, oddly enough) and a pretty stereotypically gay voice.

Talking about how he's become less into casual sex as he's grown older: "I am not cheap anymore. I am not interested in casual sex. Unless you take me out for dinner and spend money. Then you get whatever you want, girlfriend. (Sigh) People just don't get it."

On missed chances: "I follow this guy home in my car, but the traffic must have gotten cut off or something because I lost him. I caught the fish but did not get to eat it."

Talking about a potential dream man: "I meet this CEO of big company and we got out on a date, so I tell him to meet me at my house, at the corner. I don't want him to know where I live. So I expect him to drive BMW or Mercedes Benz, but I see his car and I have nervous breakdown! It is small, two-door, nothing car. I drive a better car, girlfriend. My heart was broken."

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