Dear DSL Gods,

Why do you forsake me? After three months in an apartment that promised DSL but failed to deliver, I was ecstatic to enter a new, lovely home in Potrero Hill, where I imagined myself zooming along the Information Superhighway at lightening-fast speeds. Tales of Hospital-related wonder wiring rang in my head as I labored to move my futon frame and bookshelf into my new, beautiful room. But my heart sank when I heard one of my roommates, Ben #2, utter the three cruelest words: The DSL's down. As if that weren't enough, the new modem you sent us, dear Gods, seems to be lifeless. Now, what do I have to do to prove to you that I'm worthy of your tech love? For until then, until that wonderous day when you bless me with a digital subscriber line, I will not be able to share stories of my trek through the snowy mountains of California and Oregon, the crack-related fire in Candice's new apartment building in the Haight or my impending visit to the New York area. These are things the people need to know.

Please lords, answer my prayer.

Yours eternally,

T.J. DeGroat, Esq.